FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
