If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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