last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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