i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
