I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
