I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
