It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
