do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
