i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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