if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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