So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
