dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
