Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize