Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
