Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
