I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
