A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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