I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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