those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
