you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
