So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
