He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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