glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
