So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
