ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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