she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
