How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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