You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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