The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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