2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
