i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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