Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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