my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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