hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
