Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
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