JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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