I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
