i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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