I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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