just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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