While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have feelings that need drinking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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