so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
