I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
