someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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