he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
