at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
