i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
