oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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