there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
