Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
