Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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