if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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