She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
