I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
