i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize