you guys were way drunker than both of me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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