I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
