I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
