I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
