What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
