forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
