Actions speak louder than pants.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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