I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
