I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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