he was CRYING into my vagina
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My vagina is officially offended.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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