You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
