I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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