did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
