At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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