I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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